We named our party play list daddy issues
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
