Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
