The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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