theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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