i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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