your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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