she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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