mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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