Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just cut my nipple shaving
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
