I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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