You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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