You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
