Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
