Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
