I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
