Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
