i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
is that a dick in a sweater?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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