you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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