i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
