I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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