I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
