I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
