did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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