she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
