saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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