where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
