And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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