C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
