Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
