Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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