thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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