my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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