so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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