All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
