Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
40s are totally the cure
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
