Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
