You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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