On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
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