You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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