How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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