can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Randomize
