Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
