she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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