K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
