I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
