You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
