Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
