so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
There's always time for handjobs
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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