The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
