mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I didn't notice because vodka
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
When did angry sex become our thing?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
