The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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