Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
