just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
