this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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