i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
